A district has emerged at Smith and 9th Street (long known as a sort of no man’s land between Park Slope, Red Hook, and Carroll Gardens): Smith and 9th Street, I dub thee THE NOTARY DISTRICT.

In Manhattan, it takes blocks upon blocks of business all doing the same thing in order for it be even considered a district. But in Brooklyn - where one man can make a difference - well, one man has made a difference: His last name is Russo (presumably - I don’t really like doing research), and his business (one of them, anyway) is being a Notary (again, research would be able to verify this, but I’ve got a cough and, well, you know how it goes).

With a little can-do spirit, some red paint, some scraps of - what is that? Old linoleum? Russo has created with his bare hands the NOTARY DISTRICT. Already, properties are sky-rocketing as all of today’s hottest celebrities race to buy a penthouse that overlooks this glamorous area! Why all over the country, children and adults are tuning in on their radios and television sets so they can be regaled with tales of the exciting and exotic Notary District.

This means big money! Advertising space in the Notary District is estimated at over 70 times the cost of a 15 second spot during the Super Bowl! As such, advertisers such as the company with the giant sign that only has an “R” on it, are stripping down their advertisements from Times Square, as well as the nations highways and bi-ways, so they can erect billboards in the Notary District. However, these ads can’t compete with Russo’s advertising, which are at once breathtaking, heartbreaking, obscene, and downright genius.

Ladies and gentleman, enough talk; actions speak louder! A TOUR OF THE NOTARY DISTRICT IS BELOW FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE!

This post is dedicated to Smitty, who introduced me to the Notary District. Or maybe his name is McCaffrey. I can never remember.

The Carroll Gardens area is known for many things; for instance, its brownstones, French bulldogs, and lard bread. But one thing this area doesn’t get recognition for is its burgeoning and bustling scene of closed-up video shops as well as video shops who clearly have to do way more than rent videos in order to stay in business.

Let me take you on a tour of the neighborhood so I can show you what I’m talking about.

Pictured above: VHS Tapes available for rent at a store that sells and offers 7,000,000 other goods and services, most of which you’d come to the store for long before you thought about renting a video.

First stop: The Video Corner (Nelson and Court)

Funny, huh? Looks like a bunch of bikes, right? Well that’s because The Video Corner quietly closed a couple months back, and now it’s a bike shop. That’s a shame, really because I thought it was a good little Charlie Brown Christmas tree-type place. It didn’t have much of a selection and I kind of think it stopped getting new releases back in ’95, but it just had that charm to it. Now they sell Huffys.

Second stop: Blockbuster (Degraw and Court)

Just the water stains of the now-removed marquee remain. I know, I know: death to chain stores. Hey, I know what you mean. You think I like having a Starbucks on Court Street? But I will say, they had two floors worth of movies, and they had that whole return-it-as-late-as-you-want policy, which works with my lifestyle.

Third Stop: Pegasus Video (Union and Hicks)

I just hope they keep the tattered awning up there. I’m kind of upset this place closed. They weren’t friendly (like me), but they had a lot of obscure films. I also like winged, mythical creatures.

The good news? A liquor store is opening in its place.

Fourth Stop: Lido Bar (Columbia and Sackett)

Speaking of liquor, it’s time for a bloody mary. (No video rentals here, I was just thirsty.)

All right, now let’s move on to the places that are open and check in with them:

Fifth stop: The Hole In The Wall (1st and Court).

It’s still open. But, I don’t know how. Truthfully, I’ve been thinking this place’s days have been numbered for about 3 years now. Their selection is half-decent, but they miss some of the essentials, if you ask me. There’s rarely anyone in the place, and if you look at the picture below, they’re apparently even less familiar with the Internet than I am:

Notice how they made a giant printout of their homepage. I just feel like that’s defeating the purpose: Like putting a jar of Prego on Caputo’s homemade fettuccine: It just doesn’t feel right.

Sixth Stop: Video Free Brooklyn (Smith and Kane)

I’m sorry, we don’t rent “movies.” We rent films.

Hey, Blockbuster: FUCK YOU, MAN! ATTICA! ATTICA! ATTICA!

Seventh Stop: Cobble Hill Variety Store (Henry and Degraw)

This is it. This is the place of my dreams. You need a shirt? They’ve got it. Need to mail something? They’ll do it. Need an audio adapter that was made sometime in the early 80’s? They’ve got it. A coffee mug? Perfume? Ribbon? Religious figurines? 4th of July decorations? Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it.



That new movie directed by what’s his name? Don’t got it.

And that’s awesome.